05.43am

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Photo by: @mikeslenses (Instagram)

This ridiculous in-between. Stuck juggling being a full time student and wanting so badly to start my life, and more urgently, my career. I realise that life is happening around me as I type out these words. Sitting on my bed, at 05.43, unable to sleep, because I feel simply, stuck.

An English essay. The Feminist Revision of Fairytales. Lovely and all, but NOT, and I repeat, NOT what makes me tick.

What I’d really like to be doing, is waking up at an hour more reasonable than 05.43, gliding over to my kitchen, and flipping the switch of my kettle. After a cup of aromatic green tea, slipping on my gym pants – that hold it all in oh so well – hopping into my car and off I’d go.

Tea. Gym. and then back home to start my day, the way I’d want it.

An egg breakfast, made by myself for myself, because that is how I’d want it. Thereafter, sitting down at a desk that would put the pages of ‘Elle Decor’ to shame. Macbook open, radiating gleam on, and… begin.

The life of a blogger, instagrammer, vlogger and (insert some other dream job here that half the population would love to have).

In this new age, every second person is chasing a similar online dream. I am chasing the lifestyle. In my first degree, I was at least taught one incredible life lesson – not only a wasted year I guess – and this lesson was: “Don’t picture what you want to do as a career one day, picture the lifestyle you want, and from there find a career you would love and that will give you this lifestyle”.

Reading this back now I can see where a few problems could filter in. Let’s begin with this one; no… the lecturer giving this advice was not implying that we shouldn’t follow our career dreams, or that we should settle in a well paid job in order to afford a lavish lifestyle. What she simply meant was – we should delve deeper into who we are before making a career choice and by doing this, by truly knowing what we want out of life, the lifestyle we’d want to live and determining what career we would thrive in could be a little easier.

It worked for me. Funny enough, it was this lesson that made me stop thinking about money as an outcome of a career, and I began to focus more on the quality of life I wanted to live.

So here I am. Stuck. A student who is too ready for life, or rather not ready even one little bit, but excited – oh yes, excited is one way of putting it. Over-eager.

Eager to start, what I am not yet sure is the perfect path for me – my life.

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